This week’s Ordinary Moments is in part inspired by Laura from Five Little Doves’ recent post I’m Sorry if I Fooled You (which is a must read by the way). Her post tells the story behind some of her instagram photos and this week I feel like I need to do the same with one of mine too. Because I think we all know, if you dig a little deeper or tell a bit more of a story, there’s much more to a photo than its first appearance.
I sent LPD a text at 4pm saying ‘If I feed Pickle his dinner a bit earlier, and fill a flask up with tea, do you fancy a stroll around the lake as soon as you get home?’ He said yes. And we did just that. And even though it rained a little bit, it was bloody lovely. Cup of tea outside: bliss. Bring on the family camping adventures this summer!
I wasn’t lying: it really was a lovely midweek evening treat and one I’d definitely want to do again, and hopefully with more frequency now the nights are getting lighter. But what I didn’t share was what had prompted me to do this in the first place.
It seems I don’t suffer from Mom-guilt as much as I suffer from Wife-guilt. I have very easily and naturally gotten myself into the habit of putting Pickle’s needs and requirements ahead of my husband’s. And I feel totally justified in this as let’s be honest, Pickle is only a baby and he can’t fulfill his own needs in the way that an adult can, but every now and then, it hits me with how much I’ve neglected investing into our marriage. We’ve only had two date nights since Pickle was born, and one of those I wouldn’t really count as a proper date night as we spent most of the evening with my parents – although our wedding anniversary is upcoming so we do have another future date night planned.
As I’ve been breastfeeding, I’ve found it more difficult to ‘get away’ for the evening than I thought I would. Sometimes, the thought of not only have to organise a babysitter but also expressing milk beforehand like some kind of dairy cow is really off-putting. BUT I know I need to make more of an effort. An effort to make sure as well as being parents together, we can find the time to just be us. Enjoy time together the way we used to. To take the time to see the qualities we love in each other. To appreciate the things that make us unique. To laugh.
All too often, after the rigmarole of bedtime routine, we sit exhausted on the sofas (not even together on the same one, but sat on adjacent sofas), mindlessly watching a bit of TV or scrolling through News Feeds on our phones. Too tired to make more of an effort. Too beaten by the day for anything more. Too anxious for when the next cries from upstairs will come to settle for long in case of interruption. Night after night.
So this was me trying to make more of an effort. It wasn’t a full blown date night because, let’s be honest, we can’t afford to do the whole meal out/cinema thing as much as I’d obviously like, but it was fresh air, time to chat about our respective days and a chance to walk hand in hand. A chance to rekindle. To reconnect. And to just focus on the two of us. And it really was lovely.